Monday, September 12, 2011

Bring me back to where I call home.

phewwwww.... another assignment due today again... yeshhh its completed which took me 2 hours to complete.. hahahahhah just a magazine cover thou.. whateva~!! dont wish sept to pass by so fast! cause most of my assignments are due at the end of this month... which is driving me krazzzyyyy~

i went to the doctor today due to the dizziness i've had since last week... apparently, its "vertigo" which is a kind of virus that last for 7-10 days usually... doctor suspects it is that lurr..... i wish i will stop feeling dizzy because it's very sen fu..... every morning wanna go to class also so hard.. and even made me vomit a few times. Go go go far far from me pweaseeeee........

hmmm.. this few days bored till wanna write blog to update update my own blog.. and yesterday i was actually going through all my blog post.. some of it I dont even remember writing! LOL! but its a good mind refresher.. and that there's a lot of feelings just came rushing back. sigh....

Even though there had been really bad moments (which is also considered as the worst) in my life, but I felt that my mind really widen a lot. Compared to 2 years ago, it's just like a gap between heaven and hell.. Actually, now that I've thought of it, I didn't actually think of anything else when my parents ask me to come over here. If I wasn't in that "situation", i think i would have said no!

He has been treating me so kind and he is so loving now... Sometimes I will still doubt him.. Maybe because I dont really wanna accept the fact that he is really changing. And because everytime I start trusting a guy, it always has a bad ending. Sometimes I really wish that God can give me more faith, so that I wont keep pushing him away. But everytime when i tell myself he really is trying hard, there will be a voice telling me that "no, dont lie to yourself.."

I know that there are moments in life you would wanna change, or even want to change a person's past.. People say that the past is the past, its not worth to decide the future judging by the past. Yes, in some cases maybe it works. But, human is also human. Temptation is always around, even though you think that you wont cross the line, but temptation will trick you with just one thought. After that second has past, by the time you regret, it has already become a past.

I know it will be too outrageous to say that, but I'm so insecure. I really don't know what to do. Negative words always influence me easily, but the positive always makes me doubt. But because positive words always have bad endings, that's why I've put my trust back. Hopefully time heals. Will you wait for me to be fully recovered? Truly wait.. No more dramas and hurts.. And just wait for me without falling for someone else again? Will you hand me that key to your heart? I know I have. The key is already in your pocket, but you just haven't search for your pocket because you are too busy searching for it on my body.



τΖεγεαηG ❤

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