Waooo.. I haven't been blogging for lik half year already and as I was going through all my old posts I felt like I've aged so much now. Zzzz.... Mostly caused by female hormone... Uhhh.. To tell you the truth, some pregnant people enjoys throughout the whole process of pregnancy.. But I am just the unlucky one, who has extreme mood swings and tons of emotional breakout! Lol... The first 6 months are the toughest, can't really eat well, most of the time you just feel hopeless and shit.. No kidding! I'm currently in my third trimester and things are quite back on track but occasionally I still have mood swings but its way better than the last 6 months. Uhhh.. I'm feeling restless tonight and it's 2 30 in the morning! Okay this post is done! :) Bye peeps~
τΖεγεαηG ❤
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Sandakan!
Wao... It's been almost a month since I came back to Malaysia.. And haven't been blogging because I just don't know what to blog about anymore. Lately things have been so tough on me. But all I have ever done is complain complain complain to my blog. At least I could just find some place to fire out all my emotions. :'(
hmmmm........ Where to begin? Lately, things have just been so shitty. Friends, relationship, emotions, stress. To start, I'm still very very upset about the thing that happened between my friend. Whenever I just listen to the song that she used to sing to me, my tears just roll down. She has been with me during my ups and downs.. Without her now, my life just died for a moment very often. I couldn't do anything much now but just hope that forgiveness will work its way up. Just wanted to say that I really miss you so much, my friend.
Going on to my relationship with my boyfriend, well, like people always say when feelings start to cool down, when the fire starts to burn down, it's time to settle down and focus on working out things together. At this stage, most people will leave the other half due to the difference in their personality that they didn't realize when the fire was burning strongly. So skipping to my point, for my situation it's like we always keep the fire burning. Whenever the fire dies down, something makes it burn strongly again, then again this is not very healthy, because every time bad things are the things that triggers the fire again. In this 2 years being with him, it's almost like a roller coaster ride. I just don't know why it's such a bumpy ride. There were so many times that I just wished to give up, but I just couldn't. He gave up on my once, that's when the strongest feeling came back again.
Sigh, stress is coming back to me again. So many things to deal with.
τΖεγεαηG ❤
hmmmm........ Where to begin? Lately, things have just been so shitty. Friends, relationship, emotions, stress. To start, I'm still very very upset about the thing that happened between my friend. Whenever I just listen to the song that she used to sing to me, my tears just roll down. She has been with me during my ups and downs.. Without her now, my life just died for a moment very often. I couldn't do anything much now but just hope that forgiveness will work its way up. Just wanted to say that I really miss you so much, my friend.
Going on to my relationship with my boyfriend, well, like people always say when feelings start to cool down, when the fire starts to burn down, it's time to settle down and focus on working out things together. At this stage, most people will leave the other half due to the difference in their personality that they didn't realize when the fire was burning strongly. So skipping to my point, for my situation it's like we always keep the fire burning. Whenever the fire dies down, something makes it burn strongly again, then again this is not very healthy, because every time bad things are the things that triggers the fire again. In this 2 years being with him, it's almost like a roller coaster ride. I just don't know why it's such a bumpy ride. There were so many times that I just wished to give up, but I just couldn't. He gave up on my once, that's when the strongest feeling came back again.
Sigh, stress is coming back to me again. So many things to deal with.
τΖεγεαηG ❤
Sunday, October 30, 2011
A year has come to an end.
I couldn't believe that my foundation years has finally come to an end. It has been a long year not mentioning a tough year too... But throughout the whole year it was so fun! Getting to know different races of people where back in Malaysia I didn't have that privilege as I was studying in an independent secondary school.. Although assignments, presentation and most of all exams are over, it still seems so sad that we all have to be apart after this year as everyone is going in their own direction, different places and different uni too.. Now it's time for me to go back to my hometown... :D The bad thing about going back there is I have to work for my dad for the whole holiday, which will be very very freakin torturing. How I wish my work was cleaning, cooking and not paperwork.... :'( I, too, show sympathy to my daddy's staffs because every time I did something wrong with the summon letters or fix up their files, they have to re-do everything again. That's why every time I walk into my dad's office, his staff will look like me like this -_-!! Hehehehe Well moving on to pictures!
τΖεγεαηG ❤
Actually all my photos are mixed with the other last events of the course, you'll understand. :)
These are my graduation day photos, nothing fancy because it wasn't really a "Graduation day", just a day to go up and take of certificate of completion for the course.
τΖεγεαηG ❤
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
Can't take my mind off it!
Eihhhhhh....... There's something that keeps bugging me so very very much! And I can't even get my mind into doing my assignments.......... I read through the whole article for more than 5 times but I still keep floating away !! Why torture me like that? Am I worried that it will happen or I just know that it will happen somehow! Urghhhh.... :'( Feeling so annoyed about it! Seriously,when will this feeling stop.. Every morning the first thing I would do is to update myself and I find it so frustrating because sometimes I may end up seeing things that I don't wanna see...... And I just saw something and I'm extremely annoyed about it!!!! I don't really know the motive of that person and I really don't wanna know.
hmmmmm.. I feel so frustrated because I'm so far from home and I just can't do anything about it! I'm having a really hard time trying to convince myself that it won't happen.. Hope I won't be disappointed once more.. It's just enough for me. Really is enough.. Anyways... After saying this out I feel a little better.. arghhhhhh..
τΖεγεαηG ❤
hmmmmm.. I feel so frustrated because I'm so far from home and I just can't do anything about it! I'm having a really hard time trying to convince myself that it won't happen.. Hope I won't be disappointed once more.. It's just enough for me. Really is enough.. Anyways... After saying this out I feel a little better.. arghhhhhh..
τΖεγεαηG ❤
Saturday, September 17, 2011
recall!
sighing loudly.... just now i was going to log in to my friendster to check out my hubby's old FAT photos.. just to realise that the old friendster has been deleted! the new friendster apparently, has like avatar pictures!! omg!! my heart so pain now!! because all my memories are inside!!!! was going to refresh my mind with the old days but its all gone now!!! left with really shitty new friendster!!before i came i deleted all my bf's old pictures..which are those very very fat pictures of him!!! im so sad now~!!! hmmm...
lately my bf hasn't been quite well... and he is getting so very very thin! i can actually see his bonessss and its so scaryy! :'( i wish i was there for him... hmmm, im going back very soon.. and everyday i miss him like hell... dont know if he does too...
hmm...since i have nothing to do just now, i went through my chat log that is since last year end until this year before leaving sdk.. even though there were unpleasant words, i actually felt better when i compare now with the times i had at that time. seriously, i couldn't recall what actually happened..
from back then till now, my mood n behavior is totally different.. there were a lot of scary moments of me... :'(
τΖεγεαηG ❤
lately my bf hasn't been quite well... and he is getting so very very thin! i can actually see his bonessss and its so scaryy! :'( i wish i was there for him... hmmm, im going back very soon.. and everyday i miss him like hell... dont know if he does too...
hmm...since i have nothing to do just now, i went through my chat log that is since last year end until this year before leaving sdk.. even though there were unpleasant words, i actually felt better when i compare now with the times i had at that time. seriously, i couldn't recall what actually happened..
from back then till now, my mood n behavior is totally different.. there were a lot of scary moments of me... :'(
τΖεγεαηG ❤
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Faith?
原来，我才发觉，事到如今，我根本就没有一天是放得下。都这么久了，我的回忆却还停留在那。虽然对不起你，但你最起码把这半年还回给我了，而我也是。既然你已经还回给我，那彼此没什么欠谁了。对，我真的对不起无法做到我答应的东西，你当初也说你预料我总有一天会离开你。
my faith is just as little as an ant. and i admit. i guess i've just put too much effort in forgetting the past rather than looking at our future.
τΖεγεαηG ❤
my faith is just as little as an ant. and i admit. i guess i've just put too much effort in forgetting the past rather than looking at our future.
τΖεγεαηG ❤
Monday, September 12, 2011
Bring me back to where I call home.
phewwwww.... another assignment due today again... yeshhh its completed which took me 2 hours to complete.. hahahahhah just a magazine cover thou.. whateva~!! dont wish sept to pass by so fast! cause most of my assignments are due at the end of this month... which is driving me krazzzyyyy~
i went to the doctor today due to the dizziness i've had since last week... apparently, its "vertigo" which is a kind of virus that last for 7-10 days usually... doctor suspects it is that lurr..... i wish i will stop feeling dizzy because it's very sen fu..... every morning wanna go to class also so hard.. and even made me vomit a few times. Go go go far far from me pweaseeeee........
hmmm.. this few days bored till wanna write blog to update update my own blog.. and yesterday i was actually going through all my blog post.. some of it I dont even remember writing! LOL! but its a good mind refresher.. and that there's a lot of feelings just came rushing back. sigh....
Even though there had been really bad moments (which is also considered as the worst) in my life, but I felt that my mind really widen a lot. Compared to 2 years ago, it's just like a gap between heaven and hell.. Actually, now that I've thought of it, I didn't actually think of anything else when my parents ask me to come over here. If I wasn't in that "situation", i think i would have said no!
He has been treating me so kind and he is so loving now... Sometimes I will still doubt him.. Maybe because I dont really wanna accept the fact that he is really changing. And because everytime I start trusting a guy, it always has a bad ending. Sometimes I really wish that God can give me more faith, so that I wont keep pushing him away. But everytime when i tell myself he really is trying hard, there will be a voice telling me that "no, dont lie to yourself.."
I know that there are moments in life you would wanna change, or even want to change a person's past.. People say that the past is the past, its not worth to decide the future judging by the past. Yes, in some cases maybe it works. But, human is also human. Temptation is always around, even though you think that you wont cross the line, but temptation will trick you with just one thought. After that second has past, by the time you regret, it has already become a past.
I know it will be too outrageous to say that, but I'm so insecure. I really don't know what to do. Negative words always influence me easily, but the positive always makes me doubt. But because positive words always have bad endings, that's why I've put my trust back. Hopefully time heals. Will you wait for me to be fully recovered? Truly wait.. No more dramas and hurts.. And just wait for me without falling for someone else again? Will you hand me that key to your heart? I know I have. The key is already in your pocket, but you just haven't search for your pocket because you are too busy searching for it on my body.
τΖεγεαηG ❤
i went to the doctor today due to the dizziness i've had since last week... apparently, its "vertigo" which is a kind of virus that last for 7-10 days usually... doctor suspects it is that lurr..... i wish i will stop feeling dizzy because it's very sen fu..... every morning wanna go to class also so hard.. and even made me vomit a few times. Go go go far far from me pweaseeeee........
hmmm.. this few days bored till wanna write blog to update update my own blog.. and yesterday i was actually going through all my blog post.. some of it I dont even remember writing! LOL! but its a good mind refresher.. and that there's a lot of feelings just came rushing back. sigh....
Even though there had been really bad moments (which is also considered as the worst) in my life, but I felt that my mind really widen a lot. Compared to 2 years ago, it's just like a gap between heaven and hell.. Actually, now that I've thought of it, I didn't actually think of anything else when my parents ask me to come over here. If I wasn't in that "situation", i think i would have said no!
He has been treating me so kind and he is so loving now... Sometimes I will still doubt him.. Maybe because I dont really wanna accept the fact that he is really changing. And because everytime I start trusting a guy, it always has a bad ending. Sometimes I really wish that God can give me more faith, so that I wont keep pushing him away. But everytime when i tell myself he really is trying hard, there will be a voice telling me that "no, dont lie to yourself.."
I know that there are moments in life you would wanna change, or even want to change a person's past.. People say that the past is the past, its not worth to decide the future judging by the past. Yes, in some cases maybe it works. But, human is also human. Temptation is always around, even though you think that you wont cross the line, but temptation will trick you with just one thought. After that second has past, by the time you regret, it has already become a past.
I know it will be too outrageous to say that, but I'm so insecure. I really don't know what to do. Negative words always influence me easily, but the positive always makes me doubt. But because positive words always have bad endings, that's why I've put my trust back. Hopefully time heals. Will you wait for me to be fully recovered? Truly wait.. No more dramas and hurts.. And just wait for me without falling for someone else again? Will you hand me that key to your heart? I know I have. The key is already in your pocket, but you just haven't search for your pocket because you are too busy searching for it on my body.
τΖεγεαηG ❤
Friday, September 9, 2011
I MISS HOME!!
shhhhhushhh!
cry me out - pixie lott.... my late night remedy... 9 assignments due within this month. submitted 2 only.. gahhh!! huiiiiiiii........ so stress ehhh... who save me who save me?
lately not much mood to do anything, stay home most of the time and watch moviessss.. damn boring and sucks routine.. some more running low... huhuhu... hmm, having a lot of doubts in my head.. everyday just craving for food to release stress..
i feel that most girls only know what they dont want, but when being asked what they want, they say dont know. but seriously, its true for me. i know all the things i dont want in life, but i just dont know what i want. There are things in life, once it happened, no matter how long it took for time to erase the memory, the feeling always stays. i really wanna know, when can i finally put this burden down, it has never been easy for me, even till now. i dont have the confidence to release all my stress, my problems. its even harder to put it inside and face it everyday.
Is it my fault? Why happen? And there has not been a day I can go without thinking. Dont ask me why dont I stop. If you have been in my situation, and you have successfully let go, it's because you stop caring.
Is it right to accept the fact? Does everyone actually really deserves a second chance?
τΖεγεαηG ❤
cry me out - pixie lott.... my late night remedy... 9 assignments due within this month. submitted 2 only.. gahhh!! huiiiiiiii........ so stress ehhh... who save me who save me?
lately not much mood to do anything, stay home most of the time and watch moviessss.. damn boring and sucks routine.. some more running low... huhuhu... hmm, having a lot of doubts in my head.. everyday just craving for food to release stress..
i feel that most girls only know what they dont want, but when being asked what they want, they say dont know. but seriously, its true for me. i know all the things i dont want in life, but i just dont know what i want. There are things in life, once it happened, no matter how long it took for time to erase the memory, the feeling always stays. i really wanna know, when can i finally put this burden down, it has never been easy for me, even till now. i dont have the confidence to release all my stress, my problems. its even harder to put it inside and face it everyday.
Is it my fault? Why happen? And there has not been a day I can go without thinking. Dont ask me why dont I stop. If you have been in my situation, and you have successfully let go, it's because you stop caring.
Is it right to accept the fact? Does everyone actually really deserves a second chance?
τΖεγεαηG ❤
Monday, August 15, 2011
Appreciation.
Emotionally unstable. Physically worn out. Mentally breaking apart.
This month has been such a mess to me..
I'm really tired of the stress. Wishes for a hand to just grab me from behind,
asking me to stop pushing myself so far when things behind are messed up.
Do you know the moment when something just knocks you down,
just out of no where.
And everyone just expects you to stand up alone.
How scared are you if someone you love very much,
starts pushing you away,
parents, friends, or him?
When they are just tired to listen to you talk,
as if I have been talking a lot.
Ever tried crying yourself to sleep, alone.
You know you could call anyone in the world,
you know you could just drive to your friend's,
and just let a friend be there for you,
but you just choose to wipe your own tears.
The very moment you lay in bed,
stuck those ear piece in your ears,
the very moment the song starts playing and your tears start falling,
and you start praying to God that you aren't prepared to face this all yet.
Why is life so pity?
You can't walk alone, and you can't rely on someone.
That's why, people invent stress reliefs..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i0mMPOmtCXI&feature=related
τΖεγεαηG ❤
This month has been such a mess to me..
I'm really tired of the stress. Wishes for a hand to just grab me from behind,
asking me to stop pushing myself so far when things behind are messed up.
Do you know the moment when something just knocks you down,
just out of no where.
And everyone just expects you to stand up alone.
How scared are you if someone you love very much,
starts pushing you away,
parents, friends, or him?
When they are just tired to listen to you talk,
as if I have been talking a lot.
Ever tried crying yourself to sleep, alone.
You know you could call anyone in the world,
you know you could just drive to your friend's,
and just let a friend be there for you,
but you just choose to wipe your own tears.
The very moment you lay in bed,
stuck those ear piece in your ears,
the very moment the song starts playing and your tears start falling,
and you start praying to God that you aren't prepared to face this all yet.
Why is life so pity?
You can't walk alone, and you can't rely on someone.
That's why, people invent stress reliefs..
τΖεγεαηG ❤
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
DRAMATIC!
SO GOOD! It is always better to grow stronger and never let someone pull you down... Just once you let someone else soften your heart, you get the same fucking problem that you once got. Even if someone really loves you sooo much, at some point the love is going to go and they will just do whatever they like and you will worth not even a cent to them. This is what the world is now! Whatever and however they treat you, regardless how good, they still have a backup and ready to go... So if you be the stupid person you end up getting all fucked up..
Since few months back I promised myself I'm not gonna let anyone go near my heart... I promised that I will move on no matter how hard it will be..
I'm so fucked up right now.. My heart just has a hole.. Growing bigger...
Every decision I make doesn't do any good to heal it.. Its either hurt or more hurt..
Why do I always end up in the same situation...... Thought that it will be different everytime.. He told me that he gets jealous easily and that I always chat and flirt with other guys.. In the end, ohh!! He is doing it too!
τΖεγεαηG ❤
Since few months back I promised myself I'm not gonna let anyone go near my heart... I promised that I will move on no matter how hard it will be..
I'm so fucked up right now.. My heart just has a hole.. Growing bigger...
Every decision I make doesn't do any good to heal it.. Its either hurt or more hurt..
Why do I always end up in the same situation...... Thought that it will be different everytime.. He told me that he gets jealous easily and that I always chat and flirt with other guys.. In the end, ohh!! He is doing it too!
τΖεγεαηG ❤
Sunday, July 17, 2011
SATISFACTION!
Two weeks of holiday and it all went gone.. dont know to what and where did I spend all of my time... Didn't get to see my parents very often in this holiday because they were busy with church talks... I've spent most of my time with my baby, every single day! haha he is such a sweetheart and I miss him so much now! :'( And baby went to kl together with me..... Reluctant for me to leave him when I'm standing at the entrance of the departure hall... But we look forward to see each other very soon and that no tear should be shed. Miss You...........
τΖεγεαηG ❤
Surprise birthday present!
with sis at airport..
at kl
going in soon...
τΖεγεαηG ❤
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